I want to establish something up front. I already know the answer to the question, “should I cheat on my wife?” If you’ve looked at my About Me page, then you know that I’m a Christian. I should probably elaborate on that, however, since “Christian” is an overused and misused term in the “Christian Nation” of America. I am a born-again disciple of Jesus Christ, the one-and-only Son of the one-and-only God and the one-and-only Person through whom eternal life can be attained. Therefore, I know without a doubt that the Biblical answer to this question is, “no.” I should not cheat on my wife.
You see, the inner struggle I am having is not one of trying to figure out if cheating is wrong and it is not one of trying to justify cheating. It is a struggle of finding that, after many years of wonderful marriage to a wonderful woman, I have a desire for another person that I am finding impossible to ignore. So, the question isn’t so much, “should I?,” rather it is “will I or wont I?” If I do, what will be the events and thought process that leads to that outcome? If I don’t, what will be the events and thought process that leads to that outcome? Either way, I’m on a journey and I will be a different person on the other side of it.
Perhaps you’ve been there. Perhaps you have insight from your journey. Please share.
Tags: cheating, Christian, desire for another, inner struggle, personal journey
April 26, 2008 at 8:13 pm
Hi,I know your feeling very well,having had these thoughts and even planning in my head who I would capture.Another problem is porn sites which flash their adverts at you,daring you to look.I was an only child and used to hide in my own little world,where I could fantasise to my hearts content.I finally had some Christian counselling which got rid of a lot of poison.Now my wife and I have a much equal and harmonious relationship,but I can still get lured.As you probably realise,the devil wants to destroy you and yours,he hates you because you dared to choose Christ.It’s him you should be banishing every time these thoughts arrive,you’ve kicked your old landlord out and he keeps trying to get back in.I wrote a poem about it and I’ll end with it.God Bless,Mike.
They say the grass is greener
Upon the other side
And there’s an urge to prove it
From which you cannot hide
Dreams of fun and eden
Pervade your passive mind
Egged on by the devil
Who can be very kind.
But if you stop to ponder
About the pros and cons
Then there could be calamity
When all your peace is gone
You’ve shattered your relationships
With those both near and dear
Surely God is watching you
Holding back His tears.
April 27, 2008 at 12:02 am
Hi Mike,
Thanks for the comment and the poem. I can relate to the fact that these thoughts pervade your passive mind and it seems I am constantly pondering the pros and cons. I’ll blog a bit about that in the near future.
I’m glad you have worked your situation through and your marriage is reaping the benefits!
May 24, 2008 at 4:41 pm
Before thinking of cheating on your wife please ask yourself if you are still the exciting, passionate man your wife first met and fell in love with. I will bet the answer is no, so if your wife is no longer the exciting, passionate woman you fell in love with then it would be better for you both to turn your energy into reviving your marriage, to finding that passion that made you both fall in love and marry in the first place. This would be a positive step and will not lead you to the guilt and pain that an affair WILL cause.
Think of the other side of the coin, if you did cheat and eventually left your wife how long would it be before this new woman became less passionate and exciting and someone else would attract your eye?